Last year of August 2008 when we booked our first major dream wedding team (Jesus of Transfiguration Chapel of Caleruega at Batangas) Ms Sally gave us the helpful booklet by w@w (thank you Mr. John and Mrs. Benz Rana) for making Bride to be and Groom to be to ready, aware and guide for married life and of course to introduced for many wedding suppliers and introduced to my fellow
W@wies Bride By your team. Upon we received your booklet we read cover to cover while waiting our food to serve that day… or even Japok was drove to our prefer restaurant after we finally booked to our church. This Column “Marriage Reality Checklist” was our topic all by day….
Questions to be Answered before I do By: Japok Ramos…
Question:
Personal: Do I do anything that bugs you? If I can’t change, could you live with that for the rest of our lives?
Answer:
Personal – Hot temper, that’s it…. There is nothing else that I don’t want on her except for this. I think this will have a negative effect in our house if she can’t change this. I’ve experienced having a hot tempered “*#***” and its really hard on me… you know the feeling of excitement when something good happened to you or the feeling of loneliness when something bad happened… when you wanted to share things but you couldn’t because of a gloomy aura in your house just because one person is not in a mood… I don’t want my children to feel alone and I don’t want us to be clueless on what’s going on with their life, you’ll never know that a once in a lifetime experience, achievement might just had occurred with your kid on your day of tantrums… or maybe they really need a shoulder to cry on that day…..
Question:
Children: How many children do you want? Who’s going to be the primary caregiver? How would you feel if we won’t be blessed with any?
Answer:
Children:
a. At most two – at least we could provide them all they need. And at least they have each other back once were gone.
b. Both of us, since I believe that it is our both responsibility to raise a God Fearing, responsible children.
c. If we won’t be blessed by any then I just take care of her forever…. I believe that God always have a good reason why He give some and not provide some… If He won’t give us any children, then I believe that He has a very good reason….
Question:
Finance: Who will handle the household budget? Will we be allowed to have personal savings and spending for own salary? Or do we remit our full salary in the same pool? Do you have any financial obligations to your family? Do you have debts?
Answer:
Finance – It’s really up to her…. I don’t give a damn if she has all our money, as long as she’ll allow me to spend reasonable amount on things that I need including my obligations to my relatives.
Question:
Dwelling: Where do we live when we get married? Is living with my family or yours? If so, when do we expect to move out?
Answer:
Dwelling – It’s always been a dream for me to build my own house but if we still can’t, it’s really okay if we will have something to stay whether it’s with her family or with my family.
Question:
Health: Do we have any health issues each should know of? Are there any health concerns that we could potentially pass to our children or should be prepared for financially?
Answer:
Health: No issue
Question:
Faith: (different religion/beliefs) Do you expect me to convert to your religion? Or would you respect it if I choose to still practice what I believe in? Which religion should our children is brought up to?
Answer:
Faith: Both of us are Roman Catholic and believe that God should be our way of life. I wanted to keep this belief forever and be able to pass it on to our siblings… After all, God gave us so many blessings…
Question;
Privacy: Are we allowed to answer calls in each other’s cellphone? Are we free to read each other’s text message, emails and mails?
Answer:
Privacy: Checking of calls, emails, text, etc is a sign of mistrust, but accidentally reading or hearing is a different story
Question:
Sex: Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs preferences and problems?
Answer:
Sex: I certainly hope we could discuss this kind of thing because I certainly believe that sex is one of the ingredients of a happy marriage.
Question:
Future in laws: Does my family do anything that annoys you? Do you feel they will interfere with our marriage? Would it be alright with you if I keep supporting my family (physically/financially) even if we’re married already?
Answer:
Future in laws: Its really part of our culture to still listens, obey and respect our parent opinions. But I think it will be too much if we will let them decide on things that we want to do.
Marriage is the end of our parent control on us, because once we enter marriage it simply means that we already have the mature mind to decide for ourselves. Though consulting them would never been an issue, as long as at the end the day it will be me and you who will decide.
Supporting each other family would never be an issue on me, after all, we could never reach what we have reached if they were not around….
Question:
Career: Do you expect me to be a full time housewife? Would you be bothered if my job pays better than yours?
Answer:
Career – I really don’t care if she earns more than what I do, but I don’t want my children to be shouting Yaya whenever they were been bullied by other children. I always wanted them to be much closer to us rather than with someone else…. After all, it is us who created them, and it is her mom who gave birth to them….
Answer:
Career- We don’t care whose the superior for earning but we don’t our children to less love, care from us. I would like to see myself a full time caregiver to my family but at same time I don’t want to ignore how to take care of myself. I would like to have “Me Time” but I would like to teach my children to stand on his/her own skills and ability to do.
Question:
Chores: What household chores do you expect me to do?
Answer:
Chores: Drive…that’s all I should do…. But of course I’ll help her raise our children and do some when my wife wasn’t around or she was sick
Question:
Lifestyle: What do you wish expect me to change in my present lifestyle?
Answer:
Lifestyle: Well, nothing… as long as we could still afford to buy anything that our family needs. When I say anything, that’s include the things that my wife wants….including those expensive jewelries, bags, travels, etc that she always wanted… I’m happy to have nothing, just to see my family have everything….
Lifestyle- Nothing particularly unless weren’t living in God purposes and God will.
Question:
Friends: Who among my friends do you feel is a bad influence? Are we still allowed to go out with them for late night gimmicks when we’re married?
Answer:
Friends: She always has a group of friends that I could always trust…. Hence there will be no problem if she continues to hangs out with them… but of course not to the point that she has more time with them rather than with us…
Answer:
Friends- I know his friends and I thrust them but he has certain old friends I didn’t have any changed to meet them because of on/off communication but over all there’s no issue as long Japok know his boundaries and limitations.
Question;
Migration: Do you see raising our family here in the Philippines or are migrating to a foreign land in the plans? Would you consider a job abroad and leave your family behind for a better life?
Answer:
Migration: we both believe that we already have a good life here, so what’s the sense of migrating and having ourselves serves other….
Questions to be Answered before I do By: Kite Dela Cruz
Question:
Personal: Do I do anything that bugs you? If I can’t change, could you live with that for the rest of our lives?
Answer:
Personal- Not so much except his a “Workaholic” and sometimes take of granted because of busy schedule but I know he was working for our future family and future plans. Yes I will accept him and ready to adjust and compromise things that will make our family happy.
Question:
Children: How many children do you want? Who’s going to be the primary caregiver? How would you feel if we won’t be blessed with any?
Answer:
Children: (I have three prefer)
a. One child -only but Japok and the rest of our families and friends opinions were unhappy and it would be more difficult for him/her were already gone and lastly the child will be more spoiled. So I guess maybe Twins in one delivery or two children (separate delivery) will be better. And what Japok said in his statement because I’m scared for delivery issued but of course depend act of “GOD”.
b. Of course both of us agree it’s our responsibility to take care and raise our children in a God Love and after all were one were the who created them (Hahaha).
c. Honestly little sad coz in every woman life wouldn’t be complete to have son or daughter but I don’t have any right to question about God plan. Be happy, contented and be blessed for what God gave you.
Question:
Finance: Who will handle the household budget? Will we be allowed to have personal savings and spending for own salary? Or do we remit our full salary in the same pool/ Do you have any financial obligations to your family? Do you have debts?
Answer:
Finance- Of course me… (hahaha). “My money is my money and his money is my money” Get it…. But I rather spend his. Bad Lol. But I would like to extend our blessing with our Love one (like our both family and his obligations to his family) but there’s a certain limitation.
Question:
Dwelling: Where do we live when we get married? Is living with my family or yours? If so, when do we expect to move out?
Answer:
Dwelling- It’s been our main dream to build our own dream house but as of now were been thankful to have a provider father who allow us to used his spare house to us without pressure… I thank him for that and I love him from my button of our heart were bless to have him… but were planning to build our dream house after 3 to 5 years. There’s nothing issue about move out to his placed or mined.
Question:
Health: Do we have any health issues each should know of? Are there any health concerns that we could potentially pass to our children or should be prepared for financially?
Answer:
Health: No issue
Question:
Faith: (different religion/beliefs) Do you expect me to convert to your religion? Or would you respect it if I choose to still practice what I believe in? Which religion should our children is brought up to?
Answer:
Faith- No issued about converting were both Roman Catholic and as far I’m concern I would like to brought my children were our belief but it’s depend on his/her decision.
Question;
Privacy: Are we allowed to answer calls in each other’s cellphone? Are we free to read each other’s text message, emails and mails?
Answer:
Privacy- I agree to his statement.
Question:
Sex: Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs preferences and problems?
Answer:
Sex- Yes I’m agree that each couple must openly and compromise that issue. It’s ingredients of a happy marriage but there’s nothing wrong to excuse to say “No” to your partner when you’re not feeling well or you don’t want… there’s nothing to be pressure to do it.
Question:
Future in laws: Does my family do anything that annoys you? Do you feel they will interfere with our marriage? Would it be alright with you if I keep supporting my family (physically/financially) even if we’re married already?
Answer:
Future in laws- Depend on us how far our both family will involve to our marriage life. But in my opinions you should learn how to deal your marriage issued but not avoiding them to listen, obey and respect there opinions but depend on us what our decision for certain issue.
Question:
Career: Do you expect me to be a full time housewife? Would you be bothered if my job pays better than yours?
Answer:
Career- We don’t care whose the superior for earning but we don’t our children to less love, care from us. I would like to see myself a full time caregiver to my family but at same time I don’t want to ignore how to take care of myself. I would like to have “Me Time” but I would like to teach my children to stand on his/her own skills and ability to do.
Question:
Chores: What household chores do you expect me to do?
Answer:
Chores- With help of helpers but not to the point that helpers do want I should do as a wife and as a mother.
Question:
Lifestyle: What do you wish expect me to change in my present lifestyle?
Answer:
Lifestyle- Nothing particularly unless weren’t living in God purposes and God will.
Question:
Friends: Who among my friends do you feel is a bad influence? Are we still allowed to go out with them for late night gimmicks when we’re married?
Answer:
Friends- I know his friends and I thrust them but he has certain old friends I didn’t have any changed to meet them because of on/off communication but over all there’s no issue as long Japok know his boundaries and limitations.
Question;
Migration: Do you see raising our family here in the Philippines or is migrating to a foreign land in the plans? Would you consider a job abroad and leave your family behind for a better life?
Answer:
Migration- As of now were happy here with comfort life and we don’t harsh our self for lavishness life. Even here you can see better life depend on the person how far called the “better life”. We cherish the God Blessing and Plan.
